Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Horror Holidays

     With the jingling of bells and people speaking of Santa and his damnable list, I feel a certain spirit of the season in the air, and not one that I enjoy. Call me old fashioned, but I think we should go back to the original winter holiday that was celebrated in December.
Roman-invented, of course!

     Call me crazy (and many people have) but I think the original holiday was fine on it's own. The holiday was a little over a week long, with debauched parties and drunken revelry and gambling; masters served slaves, celebrations poured out into the streets and private gift-giving was thoroughly encouraged. Like many things the Romans did, they didn't do their celebrating half-assed.
     Now we have but one humble day, with two months of prep time! I am already sick of Christmas songs and it's not even the 5th of the month! I get to listen to Bill O'Reilly rant about people attacking Christmas while non-Christians let loose a torrent of rage if a school does anything related to religion, on a religion centered holiday.
     Far be it for me to have a problem with this most auspicious of days, but I cannot stand the final day of Christmas where everyone is forced out onto icy roads to go and visit family. I would much rather stay in my warm little tomb and drink coffee, but that makes me a hermit. No, can't have that! Let's drag the poor bastard out of his house and force him to endure being around people for a day in the name of... wait, why are we doing this again?
     To all of you, I wish a happy Saturnalia and a fond holiday season, but I am done with this holiday. Not enough spook or scare in the stocking so hung with care, nor enough creak and shriek to make me note that day of the week. No more I say, from the top of my lungs, no more will I pay! Let this whole Christmas thing go far, far away!

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