Post Mortem: Deliver us From Evil

     To think I left my tomb for this... look, if you are going to have a promotional poster for a movie that looks like this:

     And you are going to have theatrical trailers that look like this and include scenes as graphic in nature as this:

     Then make an actual horror film! 

     I mean yeah, sure, this had some supernatural things in it happen such as possessions, but that really seemed to take a back seat to the main characters growing strain on his families relationship. 

     Look, you get three Iraq War veterans who find an ancient cave with a demonic shrine, you're doing good so far. You have the shrine grant the mystical ability to open portals and bring evil entities into this world, great job, horror is happening. But when the possessed all end up being a painter in a hoodie who kills a cop, a woman who throws her kid into a moat, a guy who beats his wife, and a painter who swallowed two pints of paint thinner to kill himself, you have to start wondering if your demonic gateway is really working out for ya. 

     I mean, they have these guys painting it on the walls of their home then freaking covering it up! Tell you what, lets all pool our money together and rent a billboard or a bus ad where we slap the forbidden writing up. That will unleash some chaos right there!

     And in this movie, we have an ex-junkie priest who recently had sexual relations with a junkie that has the best exorcism practice I've ever seen. Seriously, less than ten minutes. Where was this guy and his ways of doing things when Reagan was possessed in the Exorcist? This guy doesn't even check with the Vatican, he just slaps the cross on the table and starts slapping demons around like drunken children.

     And another thing, the cop who this is all based off of, in the movie he's an Atheist. He basically says he "outgrew" God when he had to beat a meth head down when he was twelve. By the end of this he's a happy little Catholic, as he should be after seeing evil get shamed off the screen. If this was how the forces of darkness work then I wouldn't be a Catholic for protection; these things have a one in four chance of offing themselves, while the rest just scratch at shit and act a little loony. Yeah, they get violent, but send them to a priest when the get finicky and they'll be out in ten minutes.

     I'll leave you with this thought. If you were a demon, which you very well may be, then wouldn't it make sense to cause mischief and create doubt through mass possessions like the theatrical trailer made it seem? Apparently mass possessions include four people. The three soldiers and one of the soldiers wives. That's it.

     I'm done ranting: don't waste your money on this movie, it's terrible. And I think this is the first time I've ever said that about a supposed horror movie. Which this is not. This is some paranormal crime drama crap...