“The Black Crosses are after you, man!” Joey said from above my bed, staring down at me in my grave. I blink blearily up at him as I hoist myself up from the ground, patting off the dirt and grime I’d managed to gather during my six hours of death.
Yeah, you heard me. Death. When the undead sleep, we really just die for a little while. And this corpse could use a longer dirt nap than the one she just got.
I run my fingers through my tousled pink hair. “I need coffee for this. Do You need coffee? I need coffee.”
Joey shoves a large cup of coffee into my hand, which I grasp to desperately. Ah, I can feel the warmth radiating from the cup. I take a sip… black with two sugars, just the way I like it. Looking over at Joey, I can tell he’s worried. The bodies he takes control of always drool when he’s worried, and this one looks like some cartoonish dog from the south, all slobber. Better than some Wraiths I know, though. This one Wraith, Rachel Barnes, her hosts sneeze whenever she possesses them, no matter what. The more nervous she is, the more she sneezes.
And she has a complex about being around people… agoraphobia, or some shit. I mean, hello! Wraith here needs a body to sustain itself, afraid to be around people. Not a good match up. But then again, who am I to judge?
Looking down at myself, I heave a sigh. A black baby doll tee shirt revealing my pale stomach is topped off by my black spandex pants and heavy steel toed boots. My jacket, which is almost always on me, is an old bikers jacket that I got from some guy that tried to hit on me at the Warhound. I think I drained him of his blood then tossed his body in my grave, cause I gotta tell you, I have some new bones that are really providing better lumbar support… oh shit, Joey just realized he’s drooling, better act natural.
Taking a sip of my coffee, I gaze at him for a moment before I break the ice. “So the Black Crosses, huh?”
“Yeah, they heard you bit one of their thralls and are gunning for you!” Joey slobbers, wiping away the excess saliva with his jacket.
Sitting at the edge of my grave, I set my coffee down and begin combing my hair with a hot pink Hello Kitty hair comb, before tying off my hair into two ponytails jutting from the side of my head like rabbit ears. The entire time Joey just stands there, looking at me, shaking.
Finally, I throw him a bone. “And?”
“And what? The biggest undead biker gang in San Antonio is out for you, and all you can ask is that? Are you insane?”
“Look, it’s no big deal, I’ll just lay low for a while, they’ll forget about it soon enough.”
“Maybe if you lay low for like fifty years! These are Wights we’re talking about here sister, they don’t forget, and they never forgive!”
“So what do you suggest, huh? That I just go into hiding, or skip town? Then I’d end up with a bounty on my head.”
“You already have a bounty on your head!” Joey exclaimed, his spectral form straining within the physical shell he was controlling.
“Really? For how much?” I ask, curious.
“Ten grand dead, fifteen alive,” He said, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, tapping them into one hand nervously. “I’ve already seen three bounty hunters out and around our usual hang-outs.”
“How can you tell they're bounty hunters?” I asked, picking my coffee back up for a sip.
“Because they’re asking about you, saying they’re your boyfriend or cousin, want to know where you are.”
“Is Horace keeping his mouth shut?” Horace, the bartender at my favorite bar, Sky’s Volcano, has carried me home once or twice after I go on a binge. All it takes to get me drunk, if that’s what I want, is a margarita or two. Having a low blood supply means your blood alcohol level skyrockets fast.
“Yeah, Horace has said he hasn’t seen you in a while, says you’re more into dubstep these days and hang out on the Riverwalk.”
I snort. “Dubstep? Really? Damn Horace is cold.”
“I laughed when he told me that too.” Joey smiled a little before the scowl returned to his face. “You’re gonna have to deal with this somehow Jules, you know that.”
“Yeah, yeah… you gotta pen?” I groused, dropping down into my grave and kicking the dirt around for my wallet.
“Because I’m gonna need some cash to make this go away. Aha! There it is!” I reached down and lift a skull, shaking it until my wallet falls out of the cranium. I open it up and pull out my debit card and hold it up to Joey. “Go pull a thousand out for me.”
“I don’t know your PIN.”
“Then let me write it down for you,” I speak each word in an aggravated tone, snatching the pen from his hand and jotting down the four numbers that’ll let him access the fortune I’ve accumulated over the years.
“Will the machine let me pull a thousand, I thought they stopped at three hundred,” He asked nervously.
I shake my head. “On my account, it locks at two grand a day. Had to basically suck off the bank manager to get that approved but it’s worth it.”
“Oh, I didn’t need to hear that!” Joey whined as he pulled me up from my grave.
“Just because I use my god given gifts to my advantage doesn’t mean you have to be a prude about them.” I scolded with a smile, causing him to shiver in disgust.
“I can’t imagine you being so… seductive. It makes me want to barf,” Joey said, holding his stomach.
“Away from the grave please!”